Julian McCullough: Drunk Girl Orgasm
Submitted by chris on Wed, 03/10/2010 - 03:01
Trying to get a drunk girl to finish is like trying to take a drunk girl home when she can't remember where she lives. She's like, 'That's not it, that's not it, that's not it.'
Shane Mauss: Freakishly Skinny
Submitted by chris on Tue, 03/09/2010 - 01:26
I've been freakishly skinny my entire life because there's a hole in my butt.
Walks Into a Bar... Vampires
Submitted by chris on Mon, 03/08/2010 - 00:59
Three vampires walk into a bar. The first one says, "I'll have a pint of blood."The second one says, "I'll have one, too."The third one says, "I'll have a pint of plasma."The bartender says, "So, that'll be two Bloods and a Blood Lite?"
Natasha Leggero: Male Comics
Submitted by chris on Sun, 03/07/2010 - 00:35
Male comics are always coming up to me, and they're like, 'Hey, Natasha, don't you think you're a little attractive to be a comedian?' And I'm like, 'Don't you think you're a little ugly to be talking to me?'
Jon Lajoie: Mysteries of the Universe
Submitted by chris on Fri, 03/05/2010 - 23:34
I have this thing that I do called 'Mysteries of the Universe,' when I gaze up at the countless stars and infinite galaxies. I realize how small and insignificant my girlfriend is. So, I get drunk and cheat on her with my 18-year-old neighbor.
Demetri Martin: Adult Toys
Submitted by chris on Thu, 03/04/2010 - 23:12
It's very easy to turn a toy into an adult toy -- location, location, location.
Boiled Egg
Submitted by chris on Wed, 03/03/2010 - 22:54
What did the egg say to the boiling water? I don't think I can get hard, I just got laid this morning!
Ultimate Rejection
Submitted by chris on Tue, 03/02/2010 - 22:51
Q: What's the ultimate rejection?A: When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.
Love and Herpes?
Submitted by chris on Mon, 03/01/2010 - 21:53
Q: What's the difference between love and herpes?
A: Herpes lasts forever.
Men and Snowstorms
Submitted by chris on Sun, 02/28/2010 - 21:25
Q: How is a man like a snowstorm?A: You don't know when it's going to come, how many inches you'll get or how long it'll last.
